Looking Back and Looking Ahead

At the back of our house is a room I call our “utility” room. It’s a laundry room, and also contains a large pantry for canned goods. It’s also a bit of a “catch-all”, being situated between the rest of the house and our downstairs area — which includes our “lounge around area” as well as my art studio and our spa. All of which means things we find upstairs that need to go down often end up sitting there, waiting for that next trip, and likewise things that need to come upstairs often find themselves sitting there “in limbo” as well, until one of us gets around to putting whatever it is where it might belong.

A door opens up to the backyard and walkway, so we hang our keys there. At least I always hang my keys there. My husband isn’t quite so good about it.

Also hanging in this room is a large bulletin board. In years past, we used to add little mementos to the board throughout the year: tickets to concerts we attended, programs from recitals, photos we’d taken on trips, and all sorts of other memorabilia, lots of visual reminders of who we were, where we’d been, and what we’d done. It was a tradition then on New Year’s Eve to take down the board, go through the memories one by one and then start fresh.

Now that we’re older, the purpose of our bulletin board has changed a bit. We don’t go out so much, so no concert tickets or recital programs. That being the case, we no longer take the board down each year, so most of what’s hanging there now has been there for quite some time. One upper corner, however, it used a lot these days. Rather than holding memories of things we’ve already done, this little piece of our bulletin board now keeps reminders of appointments coming up. Doctor’s visits, dentist appointments, eye exams, retinologist check-ups — we put them up, take them down, and replace them with more upcoming appointments.

A few mornings ago, as my husband and I were getting our day started, I found myself standing in front of our bulletin board, looking over all that was there. The most obvious pin on the board is a watercolor I made. I don’t recall when I did it. I’ve probably shared it here before, but I’m not sure. I’m guessing I probably painted it upstairs in the kitchen and put it aside to dry. I don’t know! Truly I’m not sure how or why it ended up on the bulletin board, but there it is, a pleasant reminder of a time when I did a lot of watercolor paintings.

If you look closer, you’ll see a few other “artsy” things — a green honorable mention ribbon, a yellow “merit” award from an art club, and there’s a flyer from a fair where I exhibited paintings, and even a exhibitor’s tag to identify my work.

How interesting, I thought… all of these little memories of my art! I stepped back and looked at other areas of the board. And what did I see?

Along with an old family recipe for potato soup, and directions for using an omelet pan, there’s another “merit award” for one of my oil paintings. You might remember how excited I was to receive that ribbon. It was my first recognition from a judge.

And in the top right corner, another ribbon — a “participation” ribbon from yet another show.

Seeing these ribbons now — viewed from a distance of several years away from my art work — was a pleasant surprise. There are other ribbons, too, including a first-place and a third-place award for oil painting. Those ribbons still hang on the paintings that received them, and I guess I’ve become so accustomed to them being there that I never stop to notice them or to think about what they represent.

The ribbons don’t speak of talent or excellence. Instead, each ribbon is a tribute to determination and perseverance. I worked hard to achieve the right to call myself “an artist”. I earned those awards not for artistic ability but in exchange for many, many hours of reading, studying, and practicing different techniques. Those ribbons are proof that I did, indeed, become “an artist”.

Over these last two years, a lot has changed. I’m no longer attending art club meetings because of scheduling conflicts and/or the difficulties of driving at night. Since I haven’t been doing any drawing or painting, I haven’t been entering any art shows, although I’m still on many art club mailing lists and regularly receive invitations to participate in shows.

From time to time, I do still speak of myself as “an artist”, but then… am I really? I may still have some knowledge of art and art techniques, but do I still have any of the skills I worked so hard to develop?

I think I’d like to be “an artist” once again. At least, I think I’d like to try becoming an artist again. So, while it’s pleasant to look back at what I accomplished in the past, I’m going to change my focus and begin looking forward now.

I’m organizing my studio. I’m thinking about various media I’d like to use. I’m going through my art supplies and making sure I have all that I’ll need. I’ve even been gathering up a few inspiring reference photos and thinking of how much I’d enjoy painting those scenes.

Yet still I hesitate. Can I really do this — again? I don’t know, but I’m going to give it a try.