The Ladder of Success

This post has very little to do with art. The only connection, really, is that I was working on an art project when I thought about “The Ladder of Success”. I stopped where I was, did a quick online search, and found what I was looking for. You’ve seen it many times in the past, I’m sure.

This little diagram takes us through the stages from “I won’t” through “I did”, helping us improve our performance by improving our attitude. Obviously, my attitude was bad as I started working on a mixed media project. When I heard myself mutter “I can’t do this…” I stopped. That’s when I went searching for this “Ladder of Success.”

Of course I found myself near the bottom rung with my negative mutterings, but, in a sense, I was pleased to see that I had, at the very least, stepped up a bit from absolute bottom. I had pushed myself past the “I won’t…” state of mind.

I thought, too, that perhaps there’s one even lower rung. My initial thoughts about my project were simply “I don’t want to!” Yes, I’m going through some rough patches right now, not just with art but with who I am, what I’m doing, and life in general. I’m thinking about art — that’s definitely a good thing — but I have to do it on my own terms, on my own time, and even though I’ve been thinking about this mixed media project for more than a week, I just wasn’t ready to pull out the paints and make a start.

Until yesterday. So I came to the art studio, still debating a bit about exactly when I would gather my supplies and get started. Finally, I was able to take “I won’t” and turn it into “I will go ahead and try this project.” Maybe not the most confident approach, but at least I was moving upward.

The project, by the way, is a watercolor butterfly in mixed media. It was a project from the recent Art Soul Gathering. The “gathering” itself has ended, but you can still visit Ida Andersen Lang’s site for more information about her projects and a few freebies. The butterfly project itself was presented by Tamara LaPorte from Willowing Arts. I admire her whimsical, almost fantasy-style of art. It’s not a style I want to embrace and claim as my own, but it’s definitely one that can be fun to play with — at least, to a degree.

Soon after I’d signed up for the Art Soul Gathering, I did join the Facebook group. And then, as I browsed through all of the artworks other members posted, I slunk away in sheer embarrassment. Oh, how I wish I had such talent! But, if there’s one thing I’ve learned from this art journey I’ve been on, it’s that — at some point — we have to accept who we are, realize our own limitations, and, hopefully, find some satisfaction in what we are able to create rather than lamenting all we can’t do.

Tamara gives simple, straight-forward instructions on how to free-hand draw a butterfly, and one of these days, I’ll try it. I really will. I promise. But yesterday was definitely not the day. I opted to use the tracing provided for the class.

Even tracing is problematic for me. Sure enough, I was in tears before I finished. Why? I don’t know. Right now, everything is difficult, whether it’s art, cooking, music, or anything else. I’m just going through a lot of emotional upset, constantly doubting myself in everything I do.

That’s when I muttered “I can’t do this…” and that’s when I went off to search for the ladder of success. Obviously I needed to change my attitude, to find some way to get from “I can’t” to “I did.”

At this point, I haven’t completed the project, but I did make a start on it. I did it by taking the next step on the ladder. Instead of saying “I can’t do this,” I said “I don’t know how to do this.” That statement eased a little of the emotional pain. I could understand that it wasn’t entirely my fault that I couldn’t do the project; I just didn’t know how to do it. And there I was, watching a video with an instructor not just “telling” me, but “showing” me how to do the project step-by-step.

I took a deep breath, watched in awe as she demonstrated how to free-hand draw a butterfly (and again, yes, I will try it) and then got my watercolors and brushes out to follow along with the rest of the project.

Using wet-in-wet watercolor techniques, and following LaPorte’s color suggestions somewhat, I managed to finish the first paint layer. She mentioned not proceeding until the first layer was completely dry, and that gave me a nice place to stop for the day.

It doesn’t look like much — yet — and maybe it never will, but for now, here’s my butterfly with the first application of watercolor.

The idea was to apply the paint very “loosely” — which is, actually, one thing I’m good at, because to me “loose” painting equates with “messy” painting, and, yeah, I’m really good at making messes.

Now I’m sitting here contemplating the next step of the process — both the next step of the butterfly painting project and the next step on the Ladder of Success.

Can I move from “I don’t know how…” to “I wish I could”…?

Yes, in many ways, I’ve already climbed to that next step. I look at my butterfly and think to myself, “I wish I could create a butterfly as beautiful as the instructor’s”.

Yes, I wish I could.

I wish I could do many things. I wish I could draw my own unique butterfly. I wish I could be creative enough to explore different colors. I wish I could be more confident in what I’m doing.

We often scold ourselves for “wishing” — but maybe there’s a time and a place for it. If wishing helps me climb another rung on the ladder, it’s a good thing, isn’t it?

So, now, as I get ready to return to my butterfly art project, I’ll ask for your good thoughts. Wish me well, all right?